Who’s to blame?

I have been getting a lot of inquiries into how we are doing in the aftermath of our adoption failure. I have also received heartfelt messages and notes of encouragement, all of which I’ve read and very much appreciated. And hugs. Thank you for all the hugs. I’ll never turn down one of those.

My dear friend Lauren started a GoFundMe to help us try and recover what we lost and be financially prepared for the next match without going further into debt. I am humbled by that gesture.

If you have been following our story and are open to helping us along the financial path to finding our second child, here’s where you can do that.

Huge, heartfelt thanks to you in advance, and to all our family, friends, and not-yet-friends who have already donated.

I am also starting to hear stories from people who’ve experienced a similar loss (typically without the fraud part) or know someone who has.

And like I felt for quite a while (and still do if I let myself), a lot of people are outraged. They want to know why this happened, why more can’t be done, how to prevent it from happening again, and who we can blame.

So I want to address a few of those things. Continue reading


One of the risks adoptive parents face is a birth mother changing her mind and backing out of a placement.

At any point before she delivers, while at the hospital, even days or weeks after giving birth in some states or cases, she can change her mind and choose to keep her baby or ask for the baby back if she’s already placed him/her with a family.

It just comes with the territory, and no one can fault her for deciding not to go through with it, for choosing instead to parent herself. We would not fault a woman for doing that. It would be heartbreaking and sad, but we would be able to understand and sympathize with her choice.

That’s exactly what we thought happened to us this past Tuesday. Unfortunately, we have since learned that was not the case. Continue reading

A mother’s grieving heart

We got news this morning that no adoptive parent ever wants to hear.

As mentioned in my last post, birth mom had gone past her due date with no sign of baby, so we’ve just been waiting.

I had some pleasant text exchanges with her over the weekend, with nothing unusual. We knew she had a check-up with her doctor today and that if she hadn’t had the baby by today, they were going to schedule to induce.

At 9:15 PM last night, she texted me to say she’d message me after her doctor’s appointment scheduled for 11:00 AM today.

I busied myself this morning, but had my eye on the clock the whole time. I knew exactly when it turned 11:00. And then at 11:31, the phone rang. Continue reading

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Baby’s due date has come and gone, and still no sign of him.

This is one of the hardest times during the whole adoption process.

Since the birth mother of this baby is not having a scheduled C-section or being induced (unless either become necessary), we are playing the waiting game.

Waiting for a call or text, day or night, work or no work, school or no school, running errands or at home, etc.

My phone is on 24/7, ringer on audibly, waiting for word that birth mom has gone into labor. Every time I get a text notification, I check. If I hear it in the middle of the night, I check. If I’m out to lunch with you, I’ll check.

We went through the same thing when we adopted our older son. Continue reading